Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
