The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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