i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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