I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
