I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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