According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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