And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I party with great urgency now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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