This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
