You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
