I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
