She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
