sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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