He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
