Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
did i just pee glitter
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
