she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
