I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
