So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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