i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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