hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
