Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He better not be in your backpack
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just had sex on a roof
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
