dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
