Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
