sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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