Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
