Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
