We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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