But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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