Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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