Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
As shirtless as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize