Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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