There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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