Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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