The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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