Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
