I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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