well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
