Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
