sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
