Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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