piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
