Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
