I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
