i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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