I CAN MOONWALK!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
