so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
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My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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