i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
