What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
