I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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