and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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