My liver just broke up with me...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
one might say we're banned from that church
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
