Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
