Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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