Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
