Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize