My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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