Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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