end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
