Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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