Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
