I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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