that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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