Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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