can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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