At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
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