So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im six kinds of drunk right now
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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