this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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