maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
