Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
