why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
