i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
